My Ignorant Robot Mother

Does anyone think my mother has any idea what goatse means? Anybody? There ya go, yesterday’s post, today’s post, and a BONUS post to make up for my forgetting to publish one yesterday!

Does anyone think my mother has any idea what goatse means? Anybody?

There ya go, yesterday’s post, today’s post, and a BONUS post to make up for my forgetting to publish one yesterday!

Gibberish. Just gibberish. I don’t really understand what she is trying to get across here. But what I do love is hearing Naruto in my head at the end of it and imagining my mother as him. Yatta!

Gibberish. Just gibberish. I don’t really understand what she is trying to get across here.

But what I do love is hearing Naruto in my head at the end of it and imagining my mother as him.

Yatta!

How could I forget to post a MIRM yesterday! I am so sorry, Internet. I highly doubt she is talking (very grammatically incorrect) to all of those people about most likely loving their name, but then how did she manage to tweet at all of them? Were they all mentioned in the same tweet and she just hit reply all? Or did she really just copy and paste all of those names because they really all just suddenly stood out to her as really great and varied choices for a Twitter name. To all of them, I’m sorry.

How could I forget to post a MIRM yesterday!

I am so sorry, Internet.

I highly doubt she is talking (very grammatically incorrect) to all of those people about most likely loving their name, but then how did she manage to tweet at all of them? Were they all mentioned in the same tweet and she just hit reply all? Or did she really just copy and paste all of those names because they really all just suddenly stood out to her as really great and varied choices for a Twitter name.

To all of them, I’m sorry.

Have I compared one of her tweets to what it is like to get an email from her? Because this is a pretty accurate glance at what it is like. The same email, again and again. Just slightly reworded. With something awkward put in. And about something completely inane. You just need to add on all of her contact information, a bunch of links, an “inspiring” quote, a really long confidentiality notice, and one more quote for good measure. Just printing her email signature would be about a whole page.

Have I compared one of her tweets to what it is like to get an email from her?

Because this is a pretty accurate glance at what it is like.

The same email, again and again. Just slightly reworded. With something awkward put in. And about something completely inane.

You just need to add on all of her contact information, a bunch of links, an “inspiring” quote, a really long confidentiality notice, and one more quote for good measure.

Just printing her email signature would be about a whole page.

A bonus as it is related to yesterday’s post. Also, how did I not mention her spelling Paula Deen’s name wrong? Worst commentator ever. thedailywhat: Salad of the Day: I’m just glad Jack LaLanne isn’t alive to see this. [brittneygilbert / ladymisskate.]

A bonus as it is related to yesterday’s post. Also, how did I not mention her spelling Paula Deen’s name wrong? Worst commentator ever.

thedailywhat:

Salad of the Day: I’m just glad Jack LaLanne isn’t alive to see this.

[brittneygilbert / ladymisskate.]

(via thedailywhat)

When I first read this, I was trying to guess what MIH stood for… Molar-Incisor-Hypomineralisation? Maximum Interior Humidity? Master of International Health? Men in Hats? WAIT A MINUTE. How about Men WITHOUT Hats! To men who live and a video that makes about as much sense as my mother. PS: She meant Make It Happen. I assume in this sense.

When I first read this, I was trying to guess what MIH stood for…

Molar-Incisor-Hypomineralisation?

Maximum Interior Humidity?

Master of International Health?

Men in Hats?

WAIT A MINUTE. How about Men WITHOUT Hats!

To men who live and a video that makes about as much sense as my mother.

PS: She meant Make It Happen. I assume in this sense.

Of ALL people to request a low carb episode from. This is another one of those situations where my mother says something that I find hilarious without any intention or understanding whatsoever.

Of ALL people to request a low carb episode from.

This is another one of those situations where my mother says something that I find hilarious without any intention or understanding whatsoever.

I am aware that this is a Maya Angelou quote, but the way she put it really makes me think she’s talking about going to someplace safe and thus feel like Maya Angelou. Because if I think of anything when I think of Maya Angelou, it is extreme safety. To be fair, pretty sure my mother has absolutely no idea about Maya Angelou or her life.

I am aware that this is a Maya Angelou quote, but the way she put it really makes me think she’s talking about going to someplace safe and thus feel like Maya Angelou. Because if I think of anything when I think of Maya Angelou, it is extreme safety.

To be fair, pretty sure my mother has absolutely no idea about Maya Angelou or her life.

Compelling reading, mother. Also, really worth sharing with the world. PS: Sorry it has not been updating in a timely manner, I keep forgetting the queue option is busted for the time being.

Compelling reading, mother.

Also, really worth sharing with the world.

PS: Sorry it has not been updating in a timely manner, I keep forgetting the queue option is busted for the time being.

My mother went through a… lentil spambot phase. She retweeted essentially any mention of lentils. I intended to show screencaps of the many many pages of her doing so, but after 10 screenshots I grew weary and gave up. The above is just an example. Imagine that times about 20, if not more. Instead, what I did was collect some highlights. The shot above has one of my favorites, “just call me neil!”, which has absolutely no reason to be retweeted by some stranger. I’m sure whatever you made was delicious, Beth! If you’re a vegetarian, I have no idea since you are a STRANGER, I hope you are getting enough dietary supplements! I also hope yours were delicious, Monica! Don’t tell Beth, but Lentils are REALLY good when you use chicken broth. WHAT. FUCK YOU, ADRIAN. How did you get past my mother’s obviously stringent qualifications for lentil-related retweeting! YOU KNOW NOTHING. Terra, they better be in your lentil-only pantry! That’s the only acceptable reason to keep your lentils in a fucking CLOSET and not ON your counter, getting ready to be shoved in a pot. ANYWAY. All strangers, all people talking to their friends, all people she just happened to find by looking up “lentils” on Twitter and pressing a hell of a lot of retweet buttons. To everyone who my mother has bothered on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, forums, blogs, and through random emails, I’m sorry. She’s just a crazy bitch.

My mother went through a… lentil spambot phase. She retweeted essentially any mention of lentils. I intended to show screencaps of the many many pages of her doing so, but after 10 screenshots I grew weary and gave up. The above is just an example. Imagine that times about 20, if not more.

Instead, what I did was collect some highlights. The shot above has one of my favorites, “just call me neil!”, which has absolutely no reason to be retweeted by some stranger.

I’m sure whatever you made was delicious, Beth! If you’re a vegetarian, I have no idea since you are a STRANGER, I hope you are getting enough dietary supplements!

I also hope yours were delicious, Monica! Don’t tell Beth, but Lentils are REALLY good when you use chicken broth.

WHAT. FUCK YOU, ADRIAN. How did you get past my mother’s obviously stringent qualifications for lentil-related retweeting! YOU KNOW NOTHING.

Terra, they better be in your lentil-only pantry! That’s the only acceptable reason to keep your lentils in a fucking CLOSET and not ON your counter, getting ready to be shoved in a pot.

ANYWAY.

All strangers, all people talking to their friends, all people she just happened to find by looking up “lentils” on Twitter and pressing a hell of a lot of retweet buttons.

To everyone who my mother has bothered on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, forums, blogs, and through random emails, I’m sorry. She’s just a crazy bitch.